NPR, Lightfoot and the Straight White Male
I hopped in my car this morning and, as I do daily, turned on KUT Austin. I listened intently to an exciting story coming out of Chicago but, by the time it ended, I was incensed. Nearly 24 hours have passed and it’s still on my mind.
But first, a little context.
In the early Nineties, I attended a fundraising event for some leftie campaign or nonprofit. In keeping, even then, with my theory that straight white males are the least interesting people to talk to in ANY room they are in, I walked in alone and sought conversation with someone… anyone… that might offer something interesting. I had no interest in hearing about the Dallas Cowboys or Budweiser. I wanted a conversation and to hear a perspective I hadn’t considered before. The event I was attending on this evening had been aggressively “suggesting” the use of name tags and I had dutifully obliged. When I spotted a tag with “Brian” scrawled in huge letters, I knew I had my in.
If you’re blessed with the name Bryan or Brian, you get to spend your life ridiculing those with the “wrong” spelling, tongue firmly in cheek. Playful jokes are often spontaneously shared in this informal fraternity, even among complete strangers. It’s part of our DNA.
Brian was short, perhaps 5'4", with closely cropped hair in the front but longer in back, pulled into a ponytail. Darkly complected, he had the beginning of a five o’clock shadow — and had also applied makeup to his face with a trowel. Bright eye shadow and lipstick were on top of poorly spackled foundation and God knows what else to cover the stubble. Brian also wore a bright and festive knee-length dress and equally spicy boots. He was an unattractive male but, dressed this way, he was certainly eye-catching. Not exactly alluring but had a certain safety-cone appeal that caused people to look… then look again. He was not trying to pass himself off as a woman, but he was visibly uncomfortable. He was a man in a dress, perhaps for the first time, and kudos to him for having that level of bravery in 1994.
I approached him, stuck out my hand and said “Hi Brian, I’m Bryan.” There was a momentary hesitation when he perhaps was struggling to recall what he’d written on the tag. I was anticipating, “Hi, I’m Bernice” but he’d already been caught. We exchanged pleasantries and talked politics. After several minutes, I finally caved in to the crushing pressure and said, “I’m sorry your mother didn’t love you enough to spell your name the right fucking way.” He burst out laughing and his awkwardness vanished. He retorted, “Well, if history has taught us anything, it’s that Bryans are dog-kicking tax-evaders.” More laughter. He’d played this game before.
Later that evening, I bumped into a friend from college at the same event. He asked, “Sooooo… who was that…. PERSON?” while holding back laughter. He’d seen the outfit, the makeup and seen me enjoying his company, and was preparing to mock us both. I had been caught consorting with the enemy. Straight white men, even those who identify as liberal, have a peculiar sports-team entitlement. If something is good for THAT team, it must be bad for US. It’s an over simplified view of the world, it’s stupid and it’s wildly destructive.
I have to admit that I hadn’t heard the name Lori Lightfoot prior to 10 days ago. She’s now the incoming Mayor of Chicago, having won Tuesday’s runoff election. She’s black, she’s gay, she wants to address the issues of crushing poverty and crime across the city and wants police to be held to account for their treatment of black and brown Chicagoans. She’s right on all the issues. In short, She’s perfect. Austin should be so lucky one day.
NPR asked one of the straight white males on their staff to interview her Wednesday morning. Steve Inskeep? David Green? It hardly matters. The interviewer talked about her being the first woman mayor and first openly gay mayor and how Lightfoot is breaking new ground. I am paraphrasing here, but at some point Lightfoot said,“The mood in the city of Chicago is great. There is a spring in everyone’s step! Everyone’s happy!” Inskeep replied with, approximately,“Well, are you sure everyone’s happy?!?” The subtext read, loud and clear,“but what about all us straight white guys?”.
I yelled, out loud, at the radio, “Are you shitting me?!?” half expecting Lightfoot to join me in unison. If she was irritated, she didn’t betray it and quickly said how it’s a great day for all of Chicago, regardless of race, gender or sexual orientation. And she’s right, of course. She was gracious about it but I have been pissed all day. Pissed on her behalf, maybe? Pissed that anyone at NPR would fall victim to this level of Fox News thoughtlessness.
Happily, I live in Austin, Texas. People are relaxed, progressive and kind. In all the time since Donald Trump announced he was running for President, I have seen exactly ONE red MAGA cap. Life here can lull you into a sense that society as a whole has also been moving towards acceptance and grace. Then Steve Inskeep has to burst that fucking bubble.
I am a straight white male pushing 50 years of age. As is obvious by now, my views on politics, relationships, social norms, religion and government are left-leaning — perhaps too much so — and I don’t subscribe to the theory that there is anything magical or inherently good in being a straight white male. We are boring. We are predictable and pedantic. We didn’t spend years and years in graduate school to become who we are. Our position in life was not earned and we deserve no special plaudits or accommodations — in fact, quite the contrary. Yet we behave as though we have ALL the answers — or have at least stolen the teacher’s edition that contains all the answers — and that ultimately we are always in control and in command. Show me a societal ill or creeping plight in today’s world, and I will show you the straight, Christian, white men who caused it, fanned the flames for personal gain or who sat back and shrugged,“Meh, not my problem.”
Fuck those people. I want to be on another team.
